BITE YOUR TONGUE

Bite Your Tongue!
by Joy Fisher-Sykes
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Have you ever spoken to someone and then felt the need to say, “Did you hear what I just said?” Why did you feel the need to ask? Probably because the listener didn’t provide you with the feedback you needed to know you were heard.
Listening is the most important, yet often most neglected, communication skill. In fact, the ability to listen is often rated one of the top five abilities employers seek in their staff. It’s also certainly highly sought after in the people nearest and dearest to our hearts.
Here are 10 ways to be an effective listener:
Recognize the difference between hearing and listening
There is a very distinct difference between hearing and listening. Hearing is to merely perceive sound.
Listening is the mindful, conscious act and desire to hear, comprehend, and response to others.
Be willing to listen
Begin with a commitment to listen - be open minded and consider other points of view.
Listen regardless of whether you agree or disagree with what’s said. Resist the urge jump to conclusions; be defensive or argumentative with the speaker.
Be attentive
Stop what you’re doing and give the speaker your undivided attention. If it’s not a good time for you, defer the conversation.
Ignore the desire to multi-task and selectively listen (only listening to bits and pieces of information).
Remain in the moment for the duration of the conversation
don’t tune in and out or pretend to be listening when you’re really thinking about where to go on your next vacation.
Show respect
Acknowledge others with your body language - face the speaker, look interested, and make eye contact.
Avoid ending the conversation abruptly.
Empathize
Be sensitive, compassionate, and understanding – realize it may be difficult for the speaker to talk about this matter.
Empathy doesn’t mean you have to agree with the speaker.
Avoid thinking about how to “one up” the speaker with your own tale of woe.
Be patient
We often interrupt because we are afraid we will forget our point(s). Don’t interrupt - allow the speaker to finish what she/he has to say.
Don’t’ finish the speaker’s sentences because you think they’re taking too long to get to the point.
Focus on what is being said instead of what you think is going to be said.
Eliminate interruptions and distractions
When possible, speak in a neutral location to avoid interruptions and distractions.
Be aware of and avoid interruptions – phones or pagers (use voice mail), visitors (close the door) and distractions (voice mail light, overflowing in box, incoming mail).
Seek Understanding
Focus on main points.
Paraphrase and seek clarification of points that are unclear or that you don’t understand.
Show you’re actively listening
Listen with more than just your ears. Acknowledge and respond to the speaker with facial expressions (smile, nod/shake your head, eye contact) and verbal comments (“I see,” “I understand,” “okay,” “yes”) to aid the conversation.
Simply Listen
Sometimes our idea of listening is to jump in and give unwanted advice. Listening is not an open invitation to resolve a dilemma. Just listen because often the speaker simply seeks a sympathetic ear.
Whether you are a manager or employee, husband or wife, parent or child, pastor or parishioner, friend or foe, listening is critical to the success of your relationships. Take the time to truly listen to others and discover you’ll not only improve your relationships, you will achieve a new level of overall success in your life. Apply these techniques today so you can enjoy a better tomorrow!
By Joy Fisher-Sykes © 2005 All Rights Reserved

About The Author

Joy Fisher-Sykes is a professional speaker, author, and leading expert in the areas of leadership, communication skills, stress management, customer service, and team building. Go to her web site, http://www.thesykesgrp.com, and signup for her newsletter, OnPoint, and signup for the newsletter, OnPoint, and receive the free ebook, "Empowerment and Stress Secrets for the Busy Professional."
Print and Internet publication rights are granted, free of charge, for this article, provided the credit paragraph and copyright remain intact.

ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

Abusive Relationships!
by Kenia Morales
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When ever people are involved in an abusive relationship, they have a tendency to blame the aggressor. However, both parties are responsible for their overall interaction. I know, it sounds weird but let me further explain myself. In order for a person to continuously mistreat or abuse another one, the victim must be permitting it.
If you observe this situation closely when a person truly loves, respects and has total self confidence, they will not tolerate any kind of disrespect from others. They may deal with it once or twice but will move on if they see a pattern.
Why do confident people move on?
• They understand that true love helps you grow and prosper. Rather than, hold you back.
• Real love gives you all their support while, controlling people will give you a cold shoulder.
• A person that loves you will listen to your needs and try to work things out. Instead of disregarding you’re every single need.
• They will understand that you are your own person, not an extension of them selves.
• They will not only love you but they will also give you all the respect that you deserve.
• They will never intentionally belittle or ridicule you. Instead they will always find a way to uplift you.
So, if you currently in a relationship where your partner is either emotionally of physically abusive get out now. Seek out professional help and the help of your love ones. Their support will help you boost your confidence level but, most importantly regain control of your life.
About The Author
Kenia Morales is the publisher of online magazine kpatra.com "For Every Aspect of Today's Woman. Visit her site to find a variety of women related issues and topics" click here kpatra articles to read more inspirational articles written by her.

WATCHING YOUR EMOTIONS

Are You Watching Your Emotions?
by Dr. Sheri Rosenthal
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You’ll often hear don Miguel Ruiz, author of “The Four Agreements,” saying that our emotions are the key to our personal freedom. Wise words! You might be asking why our emotions are so important to our freedom. I’ve observed in my many years of teaching, how often folks don’t acknowledge what they’re feeling emotionally. When I ask them how they’re feeling they say, “Things are fine,” or “The usual.” Yet, when you ask them if they got upset or frustrated today, they’ll say, “Well yes, this morning with my husband,” or “When the dishwasher repair man came to the house,” or “When something was not typed correctly my secretary.” So what’s going on here? Why are we ignoring the most important tool that we have for our personal growth?
Multiple opportunities present themselves to us daily to grow and learn, yet we’re too asleep to see our emotional reactions for what they are. If you’re not aware of when you’re having a fear-based emotional reaction, you’re allowing your personal power and happiness to drain away from you without even realizing it!
A warrior lives by challenge; meaning he perceives everything as an opportunity to learn. Whether he’s observing the way he talks to himself when he’s waiting on line in the grocery store or sitting on the toilet with constipation – it doesn’t matter where the opportunity comes from, a challenge is a challenge! We can learn as much from the way we victimize ourselves on the toilet when we’re constipated as we can during an argument with our partner.
We can only shift and change within the context of our challenges, not just by reading personal development books and attending workshops. Yes, we can have “ah-ha’s,” learn tools and techniques, meet new friends, and adopt a belief system that is kinder to us than the one we currently have. But what really makes the difference is what action we take to make those insights become practical applications.
I encourage you to take advantage of all that life is gifting you in every moment. Stop throwing away these opportunities simply because you choose non-awareness over personal freedom. If you chose to see your emotional reactions to frustrating events as opportunities for transformation, rather than believing that “s-t happens,” your life will change.
Take a moment right now to think about how you perceive the events of your life. Do you see challenges as inconveniences? If you do, this could be a great time to shift your point of view. (Remember - the way we perceive our lives is a choice and everything is just a point of view!)
There’s one thing I know for sure about this reality. “S-t” never happens to us, we’re not victims; let’s break that belief right now! Life works on the basis of action-reaction. So take action right now based on clarity, rather than your programmed reactions and you’ll be on your way to a blissful life, experiencing joyful emotions rather than fear-based ones.
About The Author
Dr. Sheri Rosenthal is a master Toltec teacher and author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Toltec Wisdom. Having trained with don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, she currently takes students on spiritual journeys, works with personal apprentices and enjoys being extremely happy. You can reach her at http://www.sherirosenthal.com.